Thursday, October 14, 2010

When D Goes Away

D's dad was admitted to hospital a few days ago. His kidney failed, and preliminary prognostic suggests the possibility of regular renal dialysis from now on.

D was visibly upset, and in an attempt to put things in perspective for him, I managed to make him feel worse instead (yes I am that socially inept). D flew into a rage and began to lay out the realities that are confronting us in the years ahead. Among the many things weighing on his mind, I made it to near the top of the list. When he alluded to my not being bothered about anything that goes on around me, and remarked that if he were to leave the country for a few days he would come home to find me covered in dust, I burst into tears (that flowed freely for a half hour). Our fights have become so rare in the past 3 years that I have become tame. The full-functioning me would have thrown a chair at him.

So that was what happened last Friday. After the brief tiff, I went out to get my nic fix, and D came looking for me. He attempted to explain why he said what he said, but it came out totally wrong. I had to ask him to shut up, which sent him storming away.

I had a good mind to treat D like a stranger for 24 hours, so his offers of chocolates and other favors at 2am were totally ignored. And then an hour later, when I finally figured out what I wasn't seeing on my charts initially, I told him all about it before I realized I wasn't supposed to talk to him. Anyway, I decided that it really doesn't matter what D thinks of me, as long as he is NICE to me!

D flew early this morning to visit his dad. As I drove home alone, I felt so overwhelmed by that familiar sense of loss that I began to step on the gas. Whenever the turbo kicked in, I would feel so happy that I would wonder why in the world I was depressed in the first place!

I suspect I can totally live with just my cats....

....for at least a week perhaps???

Al and Keish hardly touched their food today. Apparently, they are missing D too...


Ed said...

Nothing hurts more than to hear harsh words from the ones you love the most... such as "shut up", "fuck you", etc. I don't understand why women do that...
Anyway, now i'm a desensitized being and will careless what others say or think.

DT233 said...

Having been a bachelor until I was in my mid 30's, I used to love when Mrs. DT would leave town for a few days. It felt like old times. Single life. Just me and the dog.

But now I miss her when she goes away and I count the hours until she returns. I guess it's true love. Now I can't imagine life without her. :-)

James said...

Hi Jules,
Enjoy your cats, hope D's dad gets well and good luck with the trading this coming week :-)

ps - On your bloglist my weblink is outdated I am now on if you had been visiting my perilous life on the fx market of course you would know ;-)

all the best

Jules said...

Hi James,
Thank you :-)
Re you blog - I like the new look :-)

Jules said...

DT! :-)
For me it's quite the other way round. For the many, many years that we were together, I would lose sleep, lose my appetite, lose interest in everything when D's away. Not this time. But I do sleep hugging his sweater :-)

Got your email. Thank you :-) As I always ask of anyone who writes, pl give me some time to reply.

Solfest has resurfaced. When will you? :-)

Jules said...

:-) ED :-)
Agreed that those are not nice words. I do make it a point to add "pl" before "shut up" though....
:-) Nice to hear from you. Hope you've been well.