Tuesday, June 07, 2011


"Nothing begins and nothing ends,
That is not paid with moan;
For we are born in other's pain,
And perish in our own."

Celeste is visiting in August. The last time that she was here, she barely turned 2. She's 20 now. 

Where did time go?

Life is tremendously good. D has never been happier, and that means a lot to me.

I have been trying to keep myself busy while minimizing contact with people. 

I was reading the blog of someone who jumped to her death recently. It kept me depressed for a while. What began to disturb me even more days after was that her blog remained open for all to read.

I agreed to do a favor for Z, but I've got so much on my mind and on my plate that it looks unlikely that I would be able to fulfill my promise. So I'm just going to ask here for friends on my blogroll to please help spread the word about this video by posting it on your blog. 

Z is not selling anything. He has a vision, and it is a very promising project that I have a lot of faith in. I really wish I could tell more, but I want to respect Z's wish to unveil everything himself when he launches the project officially. Meanwhile, he really just needs as many traders to watch the video as possible.

Many who have been reading since I started writing would know about my longtime battle with depression. While I've certainly mellowed down a lot since I started this blog, I can't say that depression has actually left me at all. I've done all I could to help myself, without affecting the life of others. I am feeling very worn out, and I wish to stop having to try so hard to force myself to be the person that I can never be. While many have the hardest time being alone, I have had the hardest time forcing myself to stay connected with people. I guess I just didn't want to have to accept that I am a freak without first trying to not be one.

I have lived more than half a normal person's normal lifespan without having done anything for anyone and without feeling like I own anything or truly care about anything or anyone. I have no attachment to anything except my own thoughts. And no one could get inside to help me. 

I don't know how long I'll keep this blog. Please help yourself to anything that you find useful while it remains open.

Really loving this song from Times of Your Life's:

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Singapore Man Of Leisure said...

Hello Jules,

You are right. Only we can help ourselves.

I talk to myself a lot mentally. Heart and brain don't always get along... And sometimes when I need to talk out loud, I just put on my headphones and pretend I am talking to my mobile.

I've written a letter to myself now that there's sunshine in my life: http://singaporemanofleisure.blogspot.com/2011/04/letter-to-myself.html


So glad to find a fellow lover of music! Some songs say so much with so little....

Jules said...

Hello, Singapore Man of Leisure,

Just saw your comment and wanna thank you for stopping by. I will read the letter on your blog.

Yes, I've always been a music junkie... But I love this particular piece coz I'm touched by the trader who posted the video on his blog first.

You put on headphones to talk to yourself? Actually, whenever I see people talking to themselves (on the street, in a mall, etc), I assume they are using blue tooth. :-)