I Think This Was What Got Me Sick

During the time that D was away, I was supposed to focus on house-hunting and doing things normal people do (e.g. seeing other human beings, talking to people other than myself, looking for human beings to hug to give Al a break, etc, etc).

I was also supposed to start conceptualizing a theme for the space we're moving into, which has always been something I love to do. 

So I was going over thousands of property listings and thousands of pages of online and physical home decor catalogs, and out meeting one friend a day everyday.... But that didn't stop me from thinking about my charts. 

The very day after exams were over, I took my first trades. 

I would enter during the quiet Asian hours, and once I was at least 500 hundred dollars in profit, I would take my eyes off the charts and go back to the listings and catalogs, and calling of agents to arrange for viewings. 

The first gold trade went almost immediately in my favor and gave a 6 point profit before Europe even woke up but for reasons I simply haven't been able to figure out YET, I had refused to take the profit. I finally closed the trade at loss of nearly 300 dollars.

And then came profits that was a 4-digit figure and I would close the position taking a fraction of that. I remember that was the one and only profit I was willing to take. 

In the 4 days that followed, it didn't matter how much market went in my favor, I simply wouldn't accept a target that was attainable.  

It got to the point where 4-digit profits no longer had any meaning to me. 

I still haven't the slightest inkling what was going through my mind and why I had let things happen the way they did - it became a routine that I wouldn't close a trade unless it was to cut loss. 

The loss was small at first, and then I allowed it, very quickly, to become a 4-digit figure. This time, the 4-digit figure had a lot of meaning - I almost threw up in disgust. 

D and I skyped every night and I had to joke with him while watching my PnL turn redder and redder every time we talked. 

D has yet to be briefed on my misadventure, and I have every intention to continue to keep it to myself. 

The 10k account was meant for the Sept project, and I'm loving the new challenge of having to turn 6.5k into 20k in a month!! 

LIFE IS INTERESTING ONCE AGAIN.

I'm going back to reading price candle by candle, and back to taking profits too early. Whenever I set proper targets and focus on risk-to-reward ratios, I've never once seen market get to my targets. I'm seriously considering accepting the possibility that I just might have an extremely short attention span. Granted that I am totally capable of staring at charts 24 hours a day for at least 3 days in a row (provided I go off my medication for that 3 days...after that I would need sleep - it's something that really irritates people coz it seems I have more time than them since I really need to sleep only on alternate days to function properly), my left and right brain start to talk to each other after 15 minutes, and they would get so noisy that I would switch off and let my trades go auto-pilot (usually that's the time I'll go for a smoke hoping that by the time I return I'll start to make sense of the chart myself), a decision that has very frequently cost me dearly in the past.

The abridged one-week saga (July 18th - 22nd):

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