And I've finally picked up the courage to ask a friend with good connections to headhunters for help, and he's done more than connecting me to them.
So I'm prepared to be working 2 jobs soon.
When I insisted on trading a 10k account, D had been violently against the idea, and was ready to inject more funds. I turned down his offer, because I was confident that I could work with a small account and even double it in a month.
The 10k account is officially down to 4.5k as of today. D is still in the dark, and that's the way I like things to be.
I have a lot of issues to work out, and I will not be making another trade for a long time.
I think I have never really feared the market in a healthy way. I don't think I have ever respected the market, or even treated it seriously. The way I trade is no different from the way I've gone about living my life: playfully and experimentally.
It's time for me to grow up, and be responsible for my own life. I have been very blessed that there's always someone there to take care of me and my mess, but I want to learn to take care of my own mess now.
I believe it's never too late to learn anything.